13 Differences Between Women And Men
1. Names:
If Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara go out for lunch,
they will call each other Laurie, Linda, Elizabeth and Barbara.
If Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom go out,
they will affectionately refer to each other as
Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Scrappy.
2. Eating out:
When the bill arrives,
Mark, Chris, Eric and Tom will each throw in a $20,
even though it's only for $32.50.
None of them will have anything smaller
and none will actually admit they want the change back.
When the women get their bill,
out come the pocket calculators.
3. Money:
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item
that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
4. Bathrooms:
A man has five items in his bathroom:
a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor,
a bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom
is 337.
A man would not be able to identify most of these items.
5. Arguments:
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that
is the beginning of a new argument.
6. Cats:
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats,
but when women aren't looking,
men kick cats.
7. Future:
A woman worries about the future
until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future
until he gets a wife.
8. Success:
A successful man is one who
makes more money
than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who
can find such a man.
9. Marriage:
A woman marries a man expecting he will change,
but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting
that she won't change and she does.
10. Dressing up:
A woman will dress up
to go shopping, to water the plants,
empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and check the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
11. Natural:
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
12. Offspring:
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children.
She knows about
dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods,
secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
13. Final thought:
Any married man should forget his mistakes.
There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
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